ABSTAINER: A Weak Person Who Yields To The Temptation Of Denying
Himself a Pleasure!
My Hero .... Ambrose Bierce
Patient Case #1 (Mr. Bud Weiser)
TO MY DETRACTORS
"Nobody is Perfect!"
"I (Doc Hemp) am Nobody!"
"Thus .. I am Perfect!"
And Don't You Forget It!
Hey ... I'm so UGLY!, I make the onions cry! If you look up UGLY in the encyclopedia my picture takes up 4 pages! My momma tried to
enter me in an Ugly contest once and they said ... Sorry, No professionals allowed! As a baby I was so UGLY the doctor spanked my face
& actually improved it! My momma had to tie a pork chop round my neck just so's the dog would play with me. I was so Ugly that my
mamma feed me with a sling shot!! And I'm so OLD I can remember when God made dirt! (Before I could blow the candles out on my
last birthday cake - the Forrest Service dumped a load of Borate on it! The worst part though ... was when the Smoke Jumpers drank
all the beer! Geeze!) ..... I WAS so fat that Becky had to press my pants in the driveway! My blood type is Ragu! When my beeper
went off - people tought I was backing up & Jumped out of the way!)
And ... unlike Sandy Koufax ... (one of my heros) .. I am not a peregrination expert ... But we do walk an hour every morning!
(Summer 06 update) ... after moving a couple hundred tons of dirt, rock and crushed granite on our private railroad .... I can now make thin jokes
... I am so thin that when I stand sideways and stick out my tongue I look like a zipper! ... ( ; > )
Oh, ..... and see all the BAD Chariots & Dental pages or I'll hafta help Uncle Sam hunt you down like the dirty yaller dogs you are! .... - BURP -
BUT ... not till I'm finished with this important case I'm workin on . Open wide Mr. Weiser!! .... Also known as Bud to his friends! ..... (Hic up)
And U KNOW ...... In real life ..... I could take Arnold Swhartznagger, Sylvester (my what a nice puddy tat!) Stayalone & "Brucey"
What's his name? Willis! .... All AT THE SAME TIME!!! Hic ..... up! ....... but not today.
Now you kids! - this is all in fun! Please don't think I really drink like this! But I still could take those 3 wimps anytime!!! But not
today! Doc Hemp