A Weak Person Who Yields To
The Temptation Of
Denying Himself a Pleasure!

My Hero .... Ambrose Bierce

Patient Case #1 (Mr. Bud Weiser)

"Nobody is Perfect!"
"I (Doc Hemp) am Nobody!"
"Thus .. I am Perfect!"
And Don't You Forget It!

Hey ... I'm so UGLY!, I make the onions cry! If you look up UGLY in the encyclopedia my picture takes up 4 pages! My momma tried to enter me in an Ugly contest once and they said ... Sorry, No professionals allowed! As a baby I was so UGLY the doctor spanked my face & actually improved it! My momma had to tie a pork chop round my neck just so's the dog would play with me. I was so Ugly that my mamma feed me with a sling shot!! And I'm so OLD I can remember when God made dirt! (Before I could blow the candles out on my last birthday cake - the Forrest Service dumped a load of Borate on it! The worst part though ... was when the Smoke Jumpers drank all the beer! Geeze!)
..... I WAS so fat that Becky had to press my pants in the driveway! My blood type is Ragu! When my beeper went off - people tought I was backing up & Jumped out of the way!)

And ... unlike Sandy Koufax ... (one of my heros) .. I am not a peregrination expert ... But we do walk an hour every morning!

(Summer 06 update) ... after moving a couple hundred tons of dirt, rock and crushed granite on our private railroad .... I can now make thin jokes ... I am so thin that when I stand sideways and stick out my tongue I look like a zipper! ... ( ; > )

Oh, ..... and see all the BAD Chariots & Dental pages or I'll hafta help Uncle Sam hunt you down like the dirty yaller dogs you are! .... - BURP - BUT ... not till I'm finished with this important case I'm workin on . Open wide Mr. Weiser!! .... Also known as Bud to his friends! ..... (Hic up)

And U KNOW ...... In real life ..... I could take Arnold Swhartznagger, Sylvester (my what a nice puddy tat!) Stayalone & "Brucey" What's his name? Willis! .... All AT THE SAME TIME!!! Hic ..... up! ....... but not today.

Now you kids! - this is all in fun! Please don't think I really drink like this! But I still could take those 3 wimps anytime!!! But not today! Doc Hemp

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