Doc Hemp's General Philosophy Updated 11/15/15
(And Warped Sense of Humor)
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Case #1 (Mr. Bud Weiser)
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Let Me Juss Start by sayin .....
"I am hung like Einstein and As Smart as a Horse!"
..... Ah ... Oh well, Sumptin like Dat!
Anyways .... I wuz sooo Ugly ...
My momma hada tie a Pork Chop Round my neck ...
Juss so's our dog would play wit me!
(Thank You Rodney Dangerfield)
1/8/06
I always get asked "Why do you do all this stuff?" .... "Open yourselves up to so many people?" ... My answer is ... It started out in
1994 as a new frontier and hobby. We had the first dental website in the world that we know of .. I shortly learned to type all my
own html. ... As a result we started to meet and make some of the best friends we have ever had and from many parts of the world.
It has opened doors to many different groups that know us where ever we go.
Before the internet and the world wide web this would
have taken many life times to accomplish. This has also allowed us to share many of our principles and ideas in an interesting
and funny format. It has broadened our hobby interests to no end! ... This is the world's biggest and oldest Blog Site as the
Newbies now call it! ... Please try and take it in a positive and humorous light. .
Becky and I have always believed it's the journey not the destination that matters most! ... We have already
lived a few good life times togetherAND in our 53rd year
... Financial stability is important ... but hoarding money for moneys
sake, especially at the expense of others is a sickness. Work hard, Play Hard, be as honest as you can
and treat everyone with respect and kindness ... That is the secret we have found, to a very happy life!
... If I should die soon I blame no one ... Friends ... It is important we all live every day to the fullest
... It may be our last! ..... James Dean's Quote is one of my favorites ..... "Dream As If You Will Live
Forever, And Live Each Day As If You May Die (or become very ill) Tomorrow!". (with a doc Hemp twist)
11/15/15 update .. I am now 13yrs a melanoma survivor ... Large original surgery ...
Oncologist, etc. .. Becky and I are dedicating this site to all cancer patients worldwide.
Also, What follows in not all of my own origination .... Much of it with a Doc Hemp twist though ... Some is original ....
I must give credit to Rodney Dangerfield,
God rest his soul! My hero of one and two liners ... I do give credit if the author is known to me. ... Feel free to let
me know if you see your material here .... I will give you credit my friend, for you are obviously the Creme de la creme on
my list of funny people. Oh you poor soul!!!!!
Life is like a roll of toilet paper ... the closer you get to the end the faster it goes!
Hey ....Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
The Lottery is a tax on people that are bad at math! And those that do win it usually lose it to those that are good at math!
(the 2nd part of this is a doc hemp original quote)
Sex on Television doesn't hurt anyone! ........... Unless they fall off of it of course!
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
I was gunna try Viagra .... but ... it'd be like putting up a new flagpole on a condemned building.
Remember ... When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
What do you have when an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic are all rolled up into one? .....
A person who stays up all night wondering if there really is a doG?
I'll have you know I started out with nothing and still have most of it left! So There!
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
Know why Italians have large nostrils? ....... Big Fingers!
THE I.R.S. MOTTO: "WE HAVE WHATEVER IT TAKES, TO TAKE WHATEVER YOU HAVE!" A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine
for doing something right!
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Therefore:
Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human
Services)
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500.
Therefore:
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188
Statistically, doctors are approximately 900,000 times more dangerous than
gun
owners.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors
before this gets out of hand!
As a Public Health Measure I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for
fear that the shock could
cause people to seek medical aid - from a doctor. (Grin!) ....
This was sent to me by Arch Livengood
You know you are a redneck if you let your 12 yr. old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school ... but they
can in prison?
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever! .... Damn It!
Don't you just Love Country Western!? ........ "How can I miss you if you WON'T GO AWAY?!" ... And further more!
"I keep forgettin I forgot to forget to forget that you forgot to forget about me!" Or "She got the ring & I got
the finger!" And remember - "You're the reason our kids are so damn UGLY!" And finally "Please bypass this heart,
Cause you're the cholesterol in my life!" (titles with a Doc Hemp twist)
I didn't make it to work today ....... mixed Ex Lax with my Prozac ...... Had to sit on the john all day ......
but felt okay about it ....... everything worked it self out in the end!
"It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it."
Relationships with people: "The harder you throw a ball against the wall the harder it comes back!" (a Doc Hemp original quote)
Scientific fact: "research causes cancer in rats."
If a Mute person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
My neighbor Dave Moeller was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically.
I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, Will!? What Will? I'm making a
list of the people I wanna bite."
A successful man makes more money than his wife spends, a successful woman finds just such a man. Hee-hee.
On Jealousy ...... "Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity often pays to achievers" Quote by Dick Quinn. (with a doc hemp twist)
Oh ... and by the way ... if swimming was supposed to give us such a great shape .... Why do whales look like they do?!
On Self Defense: "It is better to be judged by 12 than carried by six!" (author unknown)
Did you hear about the schizophrenic Buddhist? ...... He is two, three, four ... maybe even five with the universe!
Old Musicians never die! They just Decompose! (a Doc Hemp original - 1958)
This guy at the bar orders a beer ... looks in his shirt pocket ... orders another beer ... looks in his shirt pocket ...
orders another beer .... this goes on & on ... the bartender finally asks him what do you keep looking in your shirt pocket
for? ... The guy says, "I have a picture of my wife in there .... when she looks good I'm going home."
GEEZE! AIN'T LIFE GREAT!!? THE AMERICAN DREAM IS WORTH IT KIDS!! DARE TO SAY NO TO DRUGS! Get that education be it
industrial or traditional college! Work hard & honestly at your choosen profession in life! Don't ever wait for
anything to EVER be given you by anybody else!!!! Enjoy the rest of the time with your family & friends!
Enjoy each day you live! Play hard too!! Surf on top of the water (turmoil) called life! Sinking into
the depths can be hazardous to your health.
(A Doc Hemp Gem!) Hee-hee!
Sometimes I wake up Grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
Beckity just told me .... IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN! ...
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
How come when we drive slow looking for an address we turn the radio down?
He who breaks wind in church .... soon sits in his own pew!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The only difference between an angry women & a Pit Bull is "Lip Stick!"
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
You know what weighs 10lbs & comes in a trunk?? (No - not a tire!) An elephant booger!! (one I made up in grade school)
The self is not something that one finds.
It is something
that one creates.
--Thomas Szasz
While stopped & contemplating the meaning of my existence At a stop light one day I wondered if all there
really was to life were these screeching brakes, horns blasting & obscene gestures? .... (Deep thoughts with a Hemp twist.)
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!
Carry a Smith & Wesson & wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! (A doc hemp original :-)
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't (author unknown)
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a VEGAN. To become a Vegan is EASY ... If it tastes good SPIT IT OUT!
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is
in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if
she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features. If she is menstruating, she is more prone
to be attracted to a man with a large pair
of scissors shoved in his forehead. .... Thank You Hankus for sending me this one
I have seen many poems for mothers day like the below by Nancy Sweeny .....
ME MUDDER
When me prayers were early said,
Who tucked me in me widdle bed,
"ME MUDDER"
Who lifted me from me cozy cot,
And set me on the ice cold pot,
And made me pee if I could not,
"ME MUDDER"
And when the morning light had come,
and in me bed I'd dribble some,
who wiped me tiny widdle bum,
"ME MUDDER"
And did me hair so neatly part,
And press me gently to her heart,
And sometimes squeeze me till I'd fart,
"ME MUDDER"
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Well! Doc Hemp made up the following poem for fathers everywhere!!!
ME FODDER
Who taught me how to fish & hunt?
Who taught me how to pass & punt?
"ME FODDER!"
Who taught me how to fix the car?
Who gave me my first cigar?
Who taught me how to spit so far?
"ME FODDER!"
Who taught me how to toss the shoes?
who taught me how to sing the blues?
who taught me about moonshine booze?
"ME FODDER!"
Who made belching a real art?
Who taught me how to light a fart?
Who loves me with all his heart?
"ME FODDER!"
"HAPPY FODDERS DAY!"
By Doc Hemp
Once upon a time,
Can't remember when,
Way back there,
Way back then,
Someone told me something,
Can't remember who,
Can't remember what it was
But if I ever do
I'll write it on a thingum
And put it somewhere safe--
I think the little whatsit
Would be the perfect place.
I wouldn't trust the whosit
With the thingamy because
I can't remember where it is
Or where it ever was.
My memory is excellent,
It's never failed me yet,
The only things it can't recall
Are things that I forget.
--Charles Wilkins
Doc Hemp's philosophy of success (definitely isn't spelling - hee-hee) is not how much money you make! Or, how many degrees you hold!
But whether you are SATISFIED WITH YOUR INDIVIDUAL LIFE! If you are at peace with yourself and your accomplishments, you are
a very successful person with a very big piece of the pie called life! (and if your spouse thinks so too, you have really
hit the jackpot! -grin). What anyone else thinks really doesn't matter worth a damn does it? (well, .... maybe your boss
if you aren't self employed) .... Why do so many of us spend so much effort, time and money trying to impress people that
that don't even like us and could care less!!?
In fact, in my 64 years of observations, I think that the more money, power and fame one has, the less time one has to spend being happy,
doing fun things with family & friends, without any cares or worries. Because life becomes so complex with business, obsessions,
possessions and doing what others think we should be spending our time on instead.
On FRIENDSHIP .... Most of us usually enjoy a beautiful warm sunny day rather than a cold, windy, rainy blustery day.
Most people like to be surrounded most by people (friends) that are like that warm sunny day ... warm people, fun loving,
relaxing, no stress, easy to be around. People we never seem to quite get enough of, people that don't wear out their welcomes.
(another doc hemp observation)
Travelin Light
Copyrighted - MP3 file
"The Grilled Cheese Band"
(Rob Delker our soninlaw's Band)
